you don’t see me talking about marriage often, do you?

before you get too far reading and cursing, i apologetically say, beware of the lapslock!

alright, good morning everyone! even if you’re reading this at noon or night, i’m still going to greet you with a good morning because like what a sergeant told us when i was in a capacity building program, it’s ‘always greet with a good morning, let your spirit always be morning spirit’.

(that’s alright. but, apparently it doesn’t work for me on monday because oh no, my monday morning spirit is the worst and i won’t want to drag myself all day that way.)

the title is quite catchy, innit? (an attempt to do a british slang)

ah, yes. it’s probably because i’m being a periodic hormonal woman or it’s because i’m hitting age of 21 soon or it’s because i’ve been hanging around with people who will get married in like a year, i feel like i’m actually craving something bigger than attention.

i, who is in her last year of collage, have many friends who tell me stories of their friends having a marriage in short period of time. even my classmate is going to be married after graduation…

anyway, the reason why i decided to put up this post is because i thought i was conflicted and in a three-junction of life.

please educate me, but i once thought marriage was like far from my plan until my soft side appeared and yelled ‘you should get married soon and live a happy life with two children and a large house with wide backyard’ and yes, something shifted.

this ‘two people have each other and have trust on each other and be supportive partner of each other and be home to each other’ is a great concept. real great. you don’t see me talking about all that lovey dovey things or romantic things because it will come naturally when you are comfortable with someone, it’s always romantic.

this phase of life confuses me. this side i want to be a rich independent woman with everyone on their knees for me, to be a hard worker, a work-a-holic, a professional, the one to point whenever comes a question about a field i’m taking care of, dedicated her life to her job because like what has i learned recently, there are 8 work ethics according to Jansen Sinamo and i want to be a good person and that person should be a better one if s/he can provide something else for the society. if s/he can bring the best of him/her to contribute any kind of possible way for society.

work is a grace;
work is a trust;
work is a calling;
work is actualization;
work is worship;
work is an art;
work is an honor;
work is a service

(i found many articles in bahasa though, so sorry couldn’t manage to translate them well in english. i find those eight work ethics interesting and what a professional someone must be when they can relate to those eight points above.)

meanwhile, the other side of me wants to be a nice supportive mother of two kids who goes to concert and football match with her children and cooks super tasty and healthy food. that kind of mother who can be friend to her children, their favorite chef, their favorite trash dump (i’m willing to be called that, to be honest, because not everyone is trusty enough, and not everyone trusts everyone well), their favorite teacher and guru, their favorite protector (like physically and emotionally) and many more. the best mother someone can have? that’s totally amazing.

beside that, a great mother would make a great wife, a partner for life. the one to sail the ship with. the one to sew a fabric with, to build a home with, to work the field with, to be each other shoulders.

and, the one third part of me still wants to be free, to run some more myself, to play and to treat myself. to be not-attached with any relationship and just to make a lot of friends. this kind of me wants to learn more to be a better person, to get on the higher level of what i believe as the right way of living. this kind of me wants my happy soul to travel around the world, to take a lot of photos with strangers, to collect precious accessories from every places, to learn more and more about places and their cultures and do some more to’s.

there’s doubt from many people, even from my family, that you can’t do all those. you won’t be a great mother if you are a professional. and you aren’t a professional if you care much about your family. this kind of perspective annoys me. why should family be the one to stop someone from expanding their horizon of knowledge and roles in every possible way.

women, in this case, should not be prohibited to enlarge their roles. if she can be a financial manager of a multinational company, then let her be, she must be a greater financial manager for her family then.

if any, family’s– husband and children and/or parents– roles are the foundation of mental support. this is also one of the most important thing.

i surely believe, women can do those all. not all business women are bad parents, bad wives. we can’t judge them just because they leave at 7.30 in the morning and go home when the sun goes down. who knows? what we know? what if before a mother leave for work she wake up earlier than other people in the house, making breakfast for her family, getting her breasts pumped for her baby boy, anything. what if after she gets home, the first thing she does is holding her baby boy in her arms, or saying hi to her ten year old daughter and talking about each others’ day, or joining the family helpers’ in the kitchen to make dinner, or doing anything, really. we don’t know. who knows? who are we to judge them that they are bad parents?

what if a woman works for her family because her husband not able to. what if she wants a better condition for her family, what if she wants to help her husband raise a little more penny to send their children to a better school to get better education, for the children better future. can we really say she is a bad mother, a bad wife?

a loud shout out to strong mothers out there, wherever you are, who work in a nice and clean room with cold freeze of air conditioning in a tenth floor of a building, who work in a hot, crowded market with unpleasant smell and rude customers, who work in an open field– burnt under the sun, anywhere. you are an incredible piece of art.

anyway, where am i? down here, long long journey to join the holy community. to be a great woman, wife, and wondermother.

(and another shout out to my beloved mother, who works but still takes care of her children and husband, and house, well.)

alright. the theme shifted a bit but it’s okay. being a woman isn’t always getting married and pleasing the partner, i mean that’s also very important, but there are many things that we can dig up to be a better person. right, ladies?

and, also Happy International Women’s Day to all beautiful women around the world, wherever you are, whatever you do. i took notice from a friend from college, do everything with confidence and you will be more than okay, you’ll be doing great. believe in whatever we do. we can contribute more, we can do more, we can be so much more.

last, i apologize if my words hurt anyone in any kind of way, i didn’t mean to. i’m still learning and learning.

there sky is getting darker, this place is getting crowded. there are no men in this room, more than three women here. and i end this writing with the thoughts that 2/3 of my class are women.